Why I Can’t Go Back to the Cubicle.
One of the downsides to freelancing is that your income is unpredictable at best. So when money got tight, my hubby said to me: “Why don’t you find a part time job while the kids are in school?”
As soon as he said the “J” word, I started having flashbacks: I’m in an office with glaring lights all around me. There’s a stack of filing (my all-time most loathed task) to my left and a ringing phone on my right. I’m tethered to a completely stationary desktop computer and there’s someone behind me repeating over and over, “You’re always late, you leave too early and your production level has gone way down. Are you even listening to me now? Well, are you are you are you are you…”
Despite my reservations, I looked around for work. There were plenty jobs out there for an educated gal like myself and I got several callbacks for interviews. But every time someone would call or email me, I came up with an excuse for why I couldn’t possibly work for them. Either the hours weren’t right, it was too far away or the pay wasn’t enough. There was a whole list of perfectly legitimate (excuses) reasons.
You see, at one point or another I had a cubicle or a 12×12 office (which I shared) and a stationary desktop PC. I would start each new job with a renewed sense of hope and optimism that this is the job. This is the company that I will spend the next 20+ years blissfully working for. I had visions of working my way up the corporate ladder and making enough money to live comfortably, etc.
Alas, inevitably it was always the same story. After a month, a year or *gasp* even three years I would reach the same desperate state of boredom, complacency and disregard. I would start coming in a little later every day: two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes then by the end I would be lucky if I could get my ass to the office before 10:00am. I absolutely HATE office gossip and politics, yet for some reason it’s my lot in life to be at the center of both without really having to do anything. I would become depressed, cynical and distant and would find a reason to quit if security didn’t come to get me by Friday at 5pm. I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with me. I mean, everyone else who works in an office environment seems happy. They show up on time, enjoy the structure of the workday, have conversations by their peer’s cubicle and leave with a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I can do that, right? The answer was a resounding “NO”.
My story is a very common one. I didn’t know that at the time, but knowing it now makes me feel like WAY better. I’m not a slacker. I’m not an idiot. I just needed to find the right job. Freelancing has allowed me to balance my life and live on my own terms. Teaching has allowed me to show others what I’ve learned. (…and yes, socialize a little) I can bring my kids to a doctor’s appointment without having to “make up hours” at work. I can leave when I want, stay when I want, do only the tasks I’m interested in doing, exercise my creative mind and (God forbid) go to the bathroom without having to tell anyone. And maybe people haven’t stopped talking about me, but at least I can’t hear them anymore!
Needless to say I called off my search for a part time day job. (Did I ever really start?) I left the World of Offices and all the florescent lighting, industrial rugs, desktop PC’s, pettiness, repetitive tasks and faulty copy machines that go with it. Quite frankly, I just CAN’T bring myself to go back. I won’t do it and there isn’t a large enough heap of money to make me. I still believe that I can make that heap of money on my own.
So burnt out office workers of the world, I’m going to tell you the same thing I’ve told my own children: Find what you love, then find a way to make money doing it. Live your dream.
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